just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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