doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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