So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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