How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
