shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
