you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
