We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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