I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
