I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
