im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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