Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
