We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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