They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
