Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
