Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
