...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
