i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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