I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
