Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
