well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
