If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i think i just lost a toe
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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