True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
