so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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