the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
