I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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