Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
