well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
