My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think my vagina is haunted
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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