I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
