i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
