he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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