We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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