"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
