dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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