put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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