I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
