I can tuck mytits in my pants
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Let's get the cat blown out
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
