Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
