so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
