I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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