So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Houston, we have a squirter
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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