At least make sure they are 18
Why
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
