I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i out mim tonsoeep
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