I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the condom got lost in my hair
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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