I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He kissed a someone with a penis
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
