Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it was like eating out sand paper
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
