Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
