When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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