so explain again why im purple
no
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
