You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
