Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
