quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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