Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
