drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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